By: Laine Ward
Finding your way out of the darkness of a tumultuous divorce will take some time. Don’t expect to begin feeling “good” about anything for a while. It’s natural and, unfortunately, goes with the territory when faced with this life changing experience.
Set small goals for yourself and repeat them, if necessary, daily. For example, at one stage in the process all I wanted to do was SMILE — at least once every day. During that time, I could find little to no joy in my life. I knew I couldn’t continue to live my life like that (because my children needed me) so I decided to make a change. I thought about the joys I used to have in my life sans my relationship with my husband and worked from there. I loved the smiles on my children’s faces, the morning dawn, a clear evening with a full moon, sun showers and rainbows that follow, etc. I found myself SMILING at having simply thought of these things.
During this very dark period, I realized that the least stressful or unhappiest time of my day was when I first awoke. So, I chose to start my day with a SMILE. It sounds simple enough (even corny) but I can tell you that when you start your day with a stretch and a SMILE it really helps to set the tone for your day. I found it incredibly helpful, calming, and cathartic to open my eyes, stretch, SMILE, and then meditate (pray) for AT LEAST 15 minutes at the beginning of each day.
Let’s be REAL — this process has robbed you of your joy and happiness. The reality is you can’t look to anyone else to get that back for you. Seek guidance from the universe and trudge forward. You alone (with your faith) are the keeper of how joy returns to your life. So, make small goals for yourself and work on achieving them every day. YOU MUST BEGIN REPLACING YOUR SADNESS WITH GENUINE JOY in order to begin feeling good again.
Find the wonderment, joy, and sheer happiness in the little things you’ve always taken for granted, e.g., the fresh smell of the air after it rains, the belly aching laughter of little children, a cool breeze on a brisk fall day, etc. These are the things that we take for granted and take little to no notice of because we’re too busy “living our lives”. But, when you’re faced with hurt, pain, disappointment, and pure unadulterated sadness these are the experiences that make your life full and rich once more. Enjoy them! So,
- Wake up with a SMILE
- Play YOUR favorite song and dance until you SWEAT
- Begin pursuing your other talents (we all have them)
- Travel anywhere
- Eat GOOD food
- Talk to a GOOD FRIEND and just be HONEST
- Scream into a pillow until it hurts
- Exercise or change your exercise routine
- Get pampered
- Help others – VOLUNTEER!
This experience has been painful — no doubt. But, you DESERVE to feel good again. Life is not supposed to be filled with sadness, depression, and sorrow (at least NOT for long stretches). This horrible thing happened. You were hurt and you are scarred. Now is the time to make the decision to RECLAIM your JOY and bring happiness back into your life. ONLY YOU can achieve that sense of freedom — but you have to CHOOSE to do it.
I remind myself that I smile although life has dealt me a pretty bad hand. What else is left but to SMILE that love-filled smile because I know I am LOVED! Smiling makes me feel warm and complete once more. I am thankful that I can SMILE.